5 Ways to Instantly 'Friend' an Introvert

Everyone knows the introvert type. Or can at least identify them eventually by not ever being able to figure them out.
 I thought I'd help clear some confusion and give the world a glimpse of the introvert's mysterious mind. So here are 5 ways to get on our good side.

1. Don't constantly ask small talk questions....especially about the weather. 
Introverts aren't shy, nor are they terribly outgoing. We talk if spoken to, but will not immediately jump into conversation. We love awesome questions, just for pete's sake go a bit deeper than "weather is crazy right?" Ask us the few necessary questions, then either keep talking to keep us from having to, or walk away. Or, if you want to instantly win a spot on our friend to consider list, ask what books we've been reading. You literally will not get us to shut up about books. Sorry in advance.

2. Don't expect us to be at every party...and don't give us grief about not showing up
Introverts prefer one or two social events a week. Anymore, we aren't worth showing up to. Trust me. I mean introverts are hard enough to deal with, add grumpy over-socialized introvert; and you get dead people.

Kidding! I mean sort of. No, promise.

Our rhythm is too off if we over exert ourselves. We are not often sporadic.  Because we are task oriented, we plan activities out, sometimes by the month. Yes we are weirdies, you aren't saying anything new.

3. Don't mistake our silence for pride or ignorance
Introverts love talking details. We want to know the inner workings of things. Faces, people, tones, thoughts, motives. So we listen, and think. And then talk when there is no fear of messing up our thoughts verbally.

4. Don't chase after us if we disappear or walk away at a social event.
Really, just don't. It's our moment to breathe and recharge. And if we're sitting at a table alone, chances are, we like it that way. It's our recharge moment. And who can really talk with their mouth full anyway?

5. Don't talk over us...or try to fill in our words. 
Introverts prefer to really think about things, even play out a conversation in their minds before responding. And when we don't respond immediately or if it's awkwardly, it means we were rushed in our thoughts and it came out wrong. When we seem shy or lacking confidence in a situation, we are considering the subject, and arranging the proper words. If interrupted, we feel like the other person disregards our opinions, or that we aren't intellectually adequate to keep up with conversation.

Oh BTW...when we use the word nothing...we mean the dictionary form of nothing. Better to just walk away. Or it looks like this:

Person: "What's wrong with you? You look upset or something."
Me: "Nothing".
Person: "I think a lot is wrong judging by your look."
Me: (voice growing soft) "Nothing is wrong with me." (Pay close attention to voice levels. Your life could depend on it.)
Person: "Something major is wrong. Come on, you can tell me."
Me: (Yelling)..."Nothing is wrong! This is the face that says leave me alone because I'm in my own planet where I solve problems of the universe that all other beings are ignoring!"
Sorry folks...just how we feel. :)

And let's debunk two myths...

Myth #1 Introverts can never have fun.  
There are two sides to an introvert. (No we are not schizophrenic! OK,well maybe a teeny bit.) One side is the formal, task oriented person who chooses large chunks of time to work on projects. When these projects are interrupted, the introvert becomes grumpy and disagreeable and does not like changing plans.
Your flashlight needs batteries to run right? Well, introverts need power for their batteries! Only our power is gained in solitude. No it's not as if we don't like people. But after a big social event (especially several days in a row) we recharge with alone time.

Myth #2: Introverts are too serious and somewhat negative.
Well somebody has to solve the world's problems! And it's obviously not you partying extroverts! (Did you see what I did there? It's called sarcasm.)

Introverts have a deep care for problems and have a strong desire to correct those problems. Because we like to spend a lot of time thinking, we think about how to make things better. So that is why we come across as pessimistic. It's really just talking out loud through a problem, and needing someone to bounce back a few encouraging words like "Yeah that would be good. Oh I agree! I see it too."

In the end, we love you people, we need awesome partying extroverts in our lives. We need you to drag us out of our reclusive nest of books, opinions, blogging, and tiresome controversies every once in a while.  We need your fun and lightheartedness. Cause you're awesome!

The Friend I Want To Be

Have you ever walked away after meeting a person for the first time and think "That was one of the most inspirational, joyful people I've met." You walk away refreshed, relaxed, and spiritually renewed. They made you feel good about yourself. To borrow Dr. Seuss's words, you became youer than you.

I have met amazing people like this. And am even blessed to call a few friends. And these humans of walking grace inspire me to try more, do more, and be more. I think the root of this astounding friendship, is selflessness refined.

"If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!" Ecclesiastes 4:9

I want to be the friend who knows what to do when I'm needed

I want to be the friend who is able to get past my worries to heal another's

I want to be the friend who asks endless questions that make the other feel special

I want to be the friend who gives unconditional love without asking for any in return

I want to be the friend who does crazy things with the friend with crazy ideas

I want to be the friend that says what is needed, but covers wounds with reassurance

I want to be the friend that doesn't care about putting my needs out there, who is content to simply just be

I want to be the friend that draws all strength, and gives all grace from my Creator

I want to be the friend who can fall into mutual weirdness with another

I want to be the friend who can see the rawness of a soul, and treasure that soul even more.

I want to be the friend who reflects the ultimate mission...to love my neighbor, love without end.

A Letter to My Generation: Please Grow Up

We are what our parents call "the future." We are young, vibrant, strong, courageous and full of hope. We have been raised with the vision of building the Kingdom, challenging the culture, and standing on the shoulders of our parents--a new generation poised to engulf the pagan culture.

That is, if we would grow up.

There is a trend among us right now of sitting on the fence.

We want to be adults, but we like being teenagers, too. We want adult privileges, but without adult responsibilities.

Choosing to Walk with the Wise 
There is a particular group of young men I have witnessed multiple times do something that's very interesting and encouraging to me. Instead of sitting with their peers at social events, they gather around their elders and listen intently, even sometimes asking questions. My respect for these young men has increased because of their wise character in choosing wisdom. 

This is the sort of character we should be striving for! Sitting at the feet of those who have walked before us in everything.

"We need to change our idea of the “teen years.” We are raising children into adults. Those in between years are the most potent for developing skills, learning, training, preparing and practicing for adult life. These are not years to be frittered away. These are the years where we challenge them and they rise to the challenge of womanhood and manhood, the years of their best strength and courage, where vision is best cast. Youth is where character is grown and practiced,  responsibility takes root, and self-control must reign." 'Why We Should Encourage our Kids to Marry Younger

That's not to say hanging out with peers is wrong, because it's not necessarily wrong! But we can easily slip into foolishness if we don't receive and heed wise counsel -because we are all foolish in our youth. Proverbs repeatedly reminds us of this.

 "He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm." Proverbs 13:20

Do Hard Things
You've heard it before: "Life's tough; get a helmet!" We weren't called to a life of luxury. We don't have to have giant houses, name-brand clothes, every gadget available, constant parties, etc. This is what the culture defines as a successful life-but God calls us all to a season of life, and uses us in each of them. If Paul could rejoice in a rotting prison cell amid beatings and still be assured God was using him, by golly we can find contentment in doing the hard things in life! We have no idea what "hard" truly is.

 God gives us many joys (feasting,  marriage, and fellowship, to name a few.) We were created to do hard things. We have a duty to our Creator. It involves glorifying Him, and enjoying Him forever. How are we to glorify him? Read God's letter to us each day, and He will show you.

"And aspire to live quietly, and to mind your own affairs, and to work with your hands..." 1 Thessalonians 4:11

"And now, O Israel, what does the Lord your God ask of you but to fear the Lord, to walk in all his ways, to love him, to serve the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul." Deuteronomy 10:12

The Battle of the Mind

"Guard your heart with all diligence....for out of it spring the issues of life." Proverbs 4:23

Our mind is possibly one of the most supernatural and phenomenal things God has created. To this day, we still can't comprehend our own minds. God is that incredible. But because we are not always aware of how powerful our minds are, we are also not aware of the damage we can unconsciously do to ourselves.

"Likewise, urge the younger men to be self-controlled. Show yourself in all respects to be a model of good works, and in your teaching show integrity, dignity, and sound speech that cannot be condemned, so that an opponent may be put to shame, having nothing evil to say about us." Titus 2:6-8

The biggest mind battle we face as young adults, is that of resisting the pull of the 'average' teen life. Culture encourages us to stay young as long as possible, God's Word directs us to grow in maturity and wisdom (Proverbs 2:6). Culture says we should 'do something big' with our lives; Scripture says we are not live for our own glory (1 Cor. 15:58).

"For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people, training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age..."Titus 2 :11-12

Amid my doubts and fickle emotions, the constant temptations I face, and the downs my family and I have gone through, I have witnessed one thing to be true...God's kingdom is worth fighting for. And when I give up everything to God, even if I'm not sure what the future holds, if I admit that my heart cannot decide for itself what God's plans are, then He is faithful to lead and to give me peace.

"Therefore gird up the loins of your mind, be sober, and rest your hope fully upon the grace that is to be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ; as obedient children not conforming yourselves to the former lusts, as in your ignorance; but as He who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct, because it is written, "Be holy, for I am holy." 1 Peter 1:13-16

By faith...we shall soon see the hand of God in the culture.

The Awkward Conversation (The Epidemic of the Silent Sexes) part 1

Something is only awkward when we brand it as awkward. 

                                                (Ooops! Wrong kind of awkward.)

For those who have not chosen recreational dating and desire to have God-honoring relationships with the opposite sex, we often don't know how to traverse through the awkwardness in guy/girl interaction.

This subject is one we've made into something it shouldn't be: awkward.

An invisible barrier surrounds all things "guys and girls." Certainly there should be boundaries. But they should be appropriate ones. I think we've had a knee jerk reaction. Since the modern dating system has done away with any discretion, we have gone to the opposite extreme. We see the world's system rife with improper conversation, immature behavior, inappropriate physical touch and body language and so we vow to be nothing like that.

But we are all brothers and sisters in Christ! Think of how you relate to flesh brothers. With ease, relaxed, respectful, yet comfortable love. Granted there is a difference in flesh brothers and Christ brothers. But it's the same idea. We know we aren't going to marry our biological brothers, and have found a comfortable, yet loving way to converse. And they see your love because it is genuine. The same rule should apply to brothers in Christ.

Yet we've created this awkward distance that makes even a casual conversation between the opposite sex conjure whispers and assumptions that something is 'going on' and start elbowing our neighbor and giving each other 'that' knowing look. Stop it!

(Or how about conferences? I recently went to one and got asked probably five times upon returning..."Sooo, did you meet anyone?" People, the word "conference" is not code name for 'bumping-into-awesome-guys-and-starting-relationships'. (OK I personally know of someone who met her husband at a conference but that's beside the point. :))

So what is the solution to this conundrum? Well I don't pretend to have the answer by any means, but I will share some observations and how I've begun to come out of my awkward shell.

#1: God did not want man to be alone (Genesis 2:18). Therefore woman was created. We were created to be companions to one another. There are two degrees of companionship. friendship, and marriage. There is a giant difference in the two. And only through scripture will we learn the difference. A good place to start is in Titus 1 & 2.

#2: God has your future planned out. He has your spouse predestined, and the precise time you will meet them. So it's not up to you to 'catch' a spouse. We shouldn't worry about what we look like in front of guys and girls or be consumed with the desire to get married. We can glory in the place God has us right now and love each other as brothers and sisters in Christ.

Consider Scripture's command to love one another with honor and respect:

"Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. "Romans 12:10

"Therefore whoever disregards this, disregards not man but God, who gives his Holy Spirit to you. Now concerning brotherly love you have no need for anyone to write to you, for you yourselves have been taught by God to love one another,  for that indeed is what you are doing to all the brothers throughout Macedonia. But we urge you, brothers, to do this more and more."  

1 Thessalonians 4:8-10

"Having purified your souls by your obedience to the truth for a sincere brotherly love, love one another earnestly from a pure heart, since you have been born again, not of perishable seed but of imperishable, through the living and abiding word of God." 1 Peter 1:22-23

So you don't have to look, act, or talk a certain way in order to land a spouse. You are most attractive when you embrace that uniqueness God gave you.

But maybe you feel as if you don't have enough to offer in relating to your brothers in Christ? Maybe that is where the awkwardness comes in? Coming up in part 2!

Memories that Linger...

These are a collection of hilarious things the kids (and I) have said from my and my mom's journal.

Bria 11 years old- "Mom, your more predicted (addicted) to that fudge than I am!"

Avalee the serious 6 year old...She says to mom "Did you know I'm 66?" Mom said "What makes you 66?" She replied "Because I'm a hobbit." Mom asked "What makes you a hobbit?" Avi replies "Because I'm little like one!"

Brooks 5 years old, and the quiet one...A UPS truck goes by "Hey mom there goes the box man!"

It was close to bed time. Mom and Avalee and I were talking; Avalee commented that she had an earache, mom inquired how bad. Avi replied "Like four miles!"

Bria- 6 years old and very pouty "When I grow up I'm not gonna live here." Mom-"Why not?"
"Because it's not fun. And I'm taking my toys with me too!"

Words Ashton would say incorrectly: Lucky Charms-Yucky Charms. Computer-Papooter. Rice out of a bowl-puggled up. Racoon-Racaroon

Ashton 2 years old "It was an ackskindent (accident)"

Avalee 6 years old...We all had colds and were sitting on the porch with mom. Avalee came outside and wrapped her arms around the porch support pillar and was about to cough but suddenly turned to mom and asked "If I cough will the porch get sick?"

Bria- 9 years old... To mom "Why do you have to be so careful and tedious? What does tedious mean?"

Ashton 2 years old... "Mom I want my bread rusted!" (translation "toasted")

Ashton 3 years old had a moment of epiphany We were sitting around the dinner table. I was singing "Away in a Manger" as I cleaned the table. Ashton questioned, in an unusually southern accent: "Dad, you mean-the wittle Woord Jesus-lay on cow hay?"

Bria-10 years old I was eating pickles at dinner and dad commented on how many I had eaten. I responded "I was born eating pickles and I'll die eating em!" (Which is proving to be true!)

Alexa 4 years old while eating lunch "Honey is good for you because bees don't know to put sugar in it...how do they know that anyway?"

Kyla 3 years old..."I'm taking my blanket so I can suck my thumb." Mom: "You don't suck your thumb." Kyla: "I like to. It's for getting my hopes up!" (Translation, it makes one happy.)

Avalee 5 years old...We stopped for breakfast while traveling to Colorado and Avalee still sleepy eyed looked at our waitress and explained "We can't find Colorado!"

Mallie 3 years old...Everyone had gathered at the dinner table, and we were about to pray when Mallie stood up and covering her eyes said "Hey tawn on de wights!"

The Importance of Being Earnest...in Friendship

Friendship. Do we really consider what that word means? Or what it should mean? Friendship is such a gift from God! Too often we take friendships for granted or fail to take the time to become the kind of friend we really desire to have ourselves.

Some might ask, and I have questioned as well, "what should I look for in a friend? How will I know if I have a true friend?"

"A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother." Proverbs 18:24

The following points were given by a very wise man and father figure to me who was instructing us about the right tools needed in a true friendship.

A Beautiful Friend:

• Loves God and his Word -do not be unequally yoked.


• Is a giver not a taker. He is not self absorbed. He is not a know-it-all friend and is someone you can't out-give.


• Does not seek self glory but God's glory. You don't have to walk around on eggshells with him. He rejoices in God's ways.

1.Be prepared to get hurt.

Friendship is not always pain-free. If you have a perfect friendship where nothing ever goes wrong or disagreements never arise, you may not be in a true friendship. Additionally, you cannot walk into a friendship with a soft shell. If a person takes offense at every little thing it is very straining on a relationship. Friends must cultivate long-suffering with each other.

"Faithful are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful." Proverbs 27:6

2.Friendship with men is different than with women.

This is very true and something I think we don't heed often enough. I believe there is no harm in speaking to young men or other men in a social setting and being polite and courteous or talking about subjects you have in common. But I think we have to be cautious in our friendships with men. Married and unmarried women alike might find themselves getting more attached than just in a friendly manner.

3.You must learn to trust and display humility- Have a receiving nature

Someone whom you can trust is a precious gift indeed.

"If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!"Ecclesiastes 4:9

"A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother." Proverbs 18:24

"Do not associate with a man given to anger; or go with a hot-tempered man, Or you will learn his ways. And find a snare for yourself." Proverbs 22:24

4. Be willing to take risks. Open up and disclose yourself; if you don't desire risks you may live alone without intimate friends or relationships.

Again trust and deep love is involved here.

5. Be willing to rebuke and be rebuked

I cannot say it any better than scripture:

"Better is open rebuke than love carefully concealed."

"Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses." Proverbs 27:5-6

A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity. Proverbs 17:17

7. True friendship involves time- Will you sacrifice your own time for your friend?

It's easy to just randomly pick friends and think those friendships will succeed if you send them an occasional email. But we must invest in our friends.

8. Have fun together- Don't take life too seriously.

Do things to show you care for each other. Time is involved, and lots of love and sacrifice.

9. Take life seriously :)

Life isn't all about fun though. We cannot abandon our families and responsibilities. We also have a responsibility to our friends to make them aware of God's commands regarding our duties in life.

"A good friend is a gift from God." "Love means saying you're sorry all the time...Love means I love you the way you are." Dr.Vest