Monday, May 10, 2010

More Problems with Dating


This post is by my mother who is way beyond me in discussing and debating on controversial subjects. To encourage other teenagers, you are not the only one choosing courting and being against the world's ways. I am reminded almost everywhere that I go and people discover that I'm 'not normal' as they call me. Being 'not normal' actually feels good. I am sixteen, and naturally people expect me to have a boyfriend and go out and 'get a break' from my family. The Bible says this " But sanctify the Lord God in your hearts: and be ready always to give an answer to every man that asketh you a reason of the hope that is in you with meekness and fear" 1 Peter 3:15

Hopefully my mother's writing here will help you and aid you as you seek to give an answer.


1. Time frame. We typically start dating as early as 13 or 14 in America. (And preparing for it much earlier: “Do you have a boyfriend yet?”)

This is nothing short of absurd. What purpose does dating fulfill? Based on the thoughts below, it is blasphemous to use such activities for recreational purposes. The idea is no different than sending a child into a candy store with no money. So he licks the pieces he likes and puts them back.

2. Pre-mature romance. Dating assumes that being romantically involved with someone other than your spouse is harmless, or normal. In most cases, the typical person will have a relationship with 5 or more people before marriage.

Not harmless. Would I consider my husband’s involvement with another woman harmless? What if it were only emotional? “Well, of course not, you’re married–that makes it different.” Not so much. Our involvements do not magically disappear at the altar. They are with us for life. My husband NOW was the same man before we married.

We should help our children understand that intimacy, romance, dating, etc. is nothing to play with. Until they are ready to pursue marriage, there should not even be a hint of pursing a relationship with the opposite gender.


As someone mentioned in the comment thread last post, dating is logicallyincongruent with marital faithfulness. “Falling in love” then breaking up, repeat, repeat, repeat…is nothing more than creating the habit of a heart to leave when “I don’t like it anymore”.

Nothing about dating involves loyalty and faithfulness; it’s easy to get in, and easy to get out. Hmmmm…kind of resembles most marriages. (Let’s think about it!)

A “spotless bride” is so much more than physical purity! This is the problem I have with the well-intentioned “Love Waits” campaigns many churches have done. It assumes that as long as we don’t “go all the way”, we’ll be OK. Not so. Love waits, indeed–for everything.

3. Deception. Another BIG problem: dating allows for a “smoke screen” that easily deceives. If I’m considering a person for marriage, don’t I need to see them in action? How do they relate to their family? What are they really like in the grind of life? A movie and dinner doesn’t reveal those things. I’ll talk more about what I mean here in a later post.

“But how does someone know a person is the right one unless they’ve dated several people?”

This reasoning is illogical; if it had any substance, it would assume that a person must date every person alive before he could know which one was right. (I could try 10 different shampoos and go with #10; but what about the other 437 brands left? I’m still left wondering.)

I wish I could plead with parents to grasp the flawed model of dating, to understand its devastation, to be willing to say “NO” for their children.

I challenge you to really think about it, if you haven’t before.


If you would like to read further on these topics you can go to Generation Cedar.

1 comment:

Jonathan Miller said...

Oh my word! I am sooooo sick of people asking me if I have a girl friend. Maybe next time someone asks me I should say I am not old enough to get married. They would probably not know what to say.