Tuesday, July 8, 2014

5 Ways to Instantly 'Friend' an Introvert

Everyone knows the introvert type. Or can at least identify them eventually by not ever being able to figure them out.
 I thought I'd help clear some confusion and give the world a glimpse of the introvert's mysterious mind. So here are 5 ways to get on our good side.

1. Don't constantly ask small talk questions....especially about the weather. 
Introverts aren't shy, nor are they terribly outgoing. We talk if spoken to, but will not immediately jump into conversation. We love awesome questions, just for pete's sake go a bit deeper than "weather is crazy right?" Ask us the few necessary questions, then either keep talking to keep us from having to, or walk away. Or, if you want to instantly win a spot on our friend to consider list, ask what books we've been reading. You literally will not get us to shut up about books. Sorry in advance.

2. Don't expect us to be at every party...and don't give us grief about not showing up
Introverts prefer one or two social events a week. Anymore, we aren't worth showing up to. Trust me. I mean introverts are hard enough to deal with, add grumpy over-socialized introvert; and you get dead people.

Kidding! I mean sort of. No, promise.

Our rhythm is too off if we over exert ourselves. We are not often sporadic.  Because we are task oriented, we plan activities out, sometimes by the month. Yes we are weirdies, you aren't saying anything new.

3. Don't mistake our silence for pride or ignorance
Introverts love talking details. We want to know the inner workings of things. Faces, people, tones, thoughts, motives. So we listen, and think. And then talk when there is no fear of messing up our thoughts verbally.

4. Don't chase after us if we disappear or walk away at a social event.
Really, just don't. It's our moment to breathe and recharge. And if we're sitting at a table alone, chances are, we like it that way. It's our recharge moment. And who can really talk with their mouth full anyway?

5. Don't talk over us...or try to fill in our words. 
Introverts prefer to really think about things, even play out a conversation in their minds before responding. And when we don't respond immediately or if it's awkwardly, it means we were rushed in our thoughts and it came out wrong. When we seem shy or lacking confidence in a situation, we are considering the subject, and arranging the proper words. If interrupted, we feel like the other person disregards our opinions, or that we aren't intellectually adequate to keep up with conversation.

Oh BTW...when we use the word nothing...we mean the dictionary form of nothing. Better to just walk away. Or it looks like this:

Person: "What's wrong with you? You look upset or something."
Me: "Nothing".
Person: "I think a lot is wrong judging by your look."
Me: (voice growing soft) "Nothing is wrong with me." (Pay close attention to voice levels. Your life could depend on it.)
Person: "Something major is wrong. Come on, you can tell me."
Me: (Yelling)..."Nothing is wrong! This is the face that says leave me alone because I'm in my own planet where I solve problems of the universe that all other beings are ignoring!"
Sorry folks...just how we feel. :)

And let's debunk two myths...

Myth #1 Introverts can never have fun.  
There are two sides to an introvert. (No we are not schizophrenic! OK,well maybe a teeny bit.) One side is the formal, task oriented person who chooses large chunks of time to work on projects. When these projects are interrupted, the introvert becomes grumpy and disagreeable and does not like changing plans.
Your flashlight needs batteries to run right? Well, introverts need power for their batteries! Only our power is gained in solitude. No it's not as if we don't like people. But after a big social event (especially several days in a row) we recharge with alone time.

Myth #2: Introverts are too serious and somewhat negative.
Well somebody has to solve the world's problems! And it's obviously not you partying extroverts! (Did you see what I did there? It's called sarcasm.)

Introverts have a deep care for problems and have a strong desire to correct those problems. Because we like to spend a lot of time thinking, we think about how to make things better. So that is why we come across as pessimistic. It's really just talking out loud through a problem, and needing someone to bounce back a few encouraging words like "Yeah that would be good. Oh I agree! I see it too."

In the end, we love you people, we need awesome partying extroverts in our lives. We need you to drag us out of our reclusive nest of books, opinions, blogging, and tiresome controversies every once in a while.  We need your fun and lightheartedness. Cause you're awesome!


Christianna Hellwig said...

That was really insightful, thank you! I am an introvert and you basically stated exactly how I feel about things, in fact I was gawking through most of the post because I felt like you were narrating exactly my thoughts! It's good to know that there are others who think the way I do! Thank you again, and I agree, we need the extroverts to drag us away from our books and philosophies every now and again!

Anonymous said...

lovely blog, i saw you thrue other blogger...will visit more to read your posts..blessings

Miss Sarah said...

I love this post! It is inspiring!


Danielle Fisher said...

This is so, so true!! Thank you for such a fun post. A lot of my siblings are introverts and apparently my personality type, ENFP, is considered an introvert-extrovert personality so I definitely relate to a lot of introvert struggles.

I do love introverts though...they make the world a better place!!

Dani from A Vapor in the Wind