Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Virtual Flirtship

"Let no one look down on your youthfulness, but rather in speech, conduct, love, faith and purity, show yourself an example of those who believe." 1 Timothy 4:12

"There are plenty of people who have technically kissed recreational dating goodbye, but are still looking for romantic flings outside of marriage. They want the fun of being in boyfriend-girlfriend relationships without purpose or commitment. Enter flirtship, the popular new alternative to dating and courtship. It’s like dating, only you don’t go out – you use email, chat, or phone, or just pair off whenever you’re in the same vicinity. Either way, you’re definitely – though not officially – well, apparently, anyway – boyfriend and girlfriend." Excerpt from It's Not that Complicated by Anna & Elizabeth Botkin
A young woman once said to me : "I am convinced it's really good if girls be discreet in the way they talk to guys and how often they talk. I mean, it can send a guy the wrong message if you are just constantly talking to just him in a crowd and it may be stirring feelings in him that you had no intention of stirring when you are just trying to be a friendly sister in Christ."

Then she proceeded to talk about a guy she had been emailing for several weeks, two or three times a day. When asked why she thought this was appropriate, but the scenario she described wasn't, she replied "Oh it's not the same online!"

Are we not all guilty of this mentality?

Facebook: From hearing from and witnessing friends, I believe this one of the biggest ways for guys and girls to cultivate 'unintended' relationships. It's just too easy once you're friends to resist posting comments on their walls, sending a message a day. Pretty soon, both are confused about the other's actions and are trying to interpret them. In very extreme cases, Facebook relationships can lead to running away from home to be with your 'special, new found friend.' You may think this sounds a bit drastic, but I personally know of two cases where this has happened.

It's also a way for young people to communicate without their parents necessarily knowing everything they're saying. As with everything else, something that may start harmless has the potential to become dangerous if extreme caution is not exercised.

"A man's harvest in life will depend entirely on what he sows. If he sows for his own lower nature his harvest will be the decay and death of his own nature. But if he sows for the Spirit he will reap the harvest of everlasting life by the Spirit." Galatians 6:7-8
Email: Because emailing doesn't allow for accountability in conversation, caution should be exercised here as well. A wonderful practice to get into is sending an email (with the opposite gender) to your parent's inbox as well, and letting him/her know you are doing so. This lets the parents and the person know that you wish to respect them and keep yourselves accountable so that conversation doesn't become unhealthy.

Blogging: Even in the blog world we must be careful and limit comments on each other's blogs. If you're leaving comments on every post and lengthy or gushy conversations take place, it can be very misleading. However, I see nothing wrong with reading the opposite's posts, for it is good to get perspectives from the opposite gender.

"But what if the guy/girl is the one being bold in their attempts to talk with/be around me?"

Well, you can either get graciously bold back, or involve your father in it. That is one of the many blessing of having fathers; once you involve them in struggles they can step in and intervene when we don't want to appear rude and burst the person's bubble so to speak.

"If Romeo seems smitten with you and showers you with attention and compliments (and is exactly the sort of Montague your parents do not approve of), you can make it very clear in your cool but respectful manner that you are not interested in sharing a balcony scene with him." Excerpt from It's (not) that Complicated

"Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life." Proverbs 4:23
Are we conscious enough of our actions through our fingertips?

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things." Philippians 4:8
(Guys, just because I wrote about blog commenting doesn't mean I wouldn't like to hear your perspective of this subject:)


Lisa said...

I appreciate this post. Thank you! I share similar feelings towards boy-girl relationships, but even in the church, people think you're crazy! Guarding hearts and relationships is so important - something that is not widely practiced today.

Mad said...

I don't know how I missed this post in March, but I really feel that this is a much needed message today! I see this everyday - I have friends who want to claim purity wholeheartedly, but do not want to claim the responsibility it takes wholeheartedly! Great post!