Learning to Conquer Sibling Strife

Sibling relationships. Am I the only one who struggles? I'm not buying the culture's standard that brothers and sisters simply "don't get along." I believe that if Christians are commanded to love one another, it most certainly should start at home. But it's hard.

Take to heart these words--they're phenomenal--It's going to be alright. Seriously, it is.

Whether you're privileged to be the oldest, or somewhere in between, sibling life is hard work! It takes a daily, conscious effort to be kind, much less build relationships. But listen, you will find that common ground of love. You will try and fail, but then you have to get up and try again. You may not do it right for years. And that's OK. Don't compare, don't give in, overcome the doubts floating in your head of "it's too difficult" or "I'll never be good enough."

Your brothers and sisters will one day recognize you made a daily effort, and will love you all the more. Because it is the deepest example of love. That you didn't get frustrated but kept pursuing them.

Through trial and error (lots of that going on mostly) these are some things I've observed and learned from living with an older brother:

(And so you guys can return the same treatment...I made a special section for you!)

Do's with Brothers:

• Praise them for simple tasks like taking the trash out. They feel it is meaningless until they are valued for it.
• Brag on their gifts in front of others. Even if it's their yard cutting skills. 
• As brothers advance into manhood, make them feel masculine. Tell them how strong they are, what big muscles they have, and find ways to tell them how much you appreciate them being a man. I tell you, it swells their chests for a week. 
• Embrace what they love. Even if it's working out or music that you may not just love the beat to.
• Find something you both enjoy to do together. For my brother and me, it's the movies and dancing. This is especially meaningful if his love language is quality time. (Suggestion: Find out his love language....it really helps.) 

Don't's with Brothers:

• At all costs, and no matter the age, it works to great advantage to refrain from telling brothers what to do. The privilege of asking comes as the relationship builds. 
• Belittling brothers in front of your friends or their friends, sets the relationship way back. Because it tells them you don't value or honor them, and you just showed it to the world.
• Don't ridicule their fashion choices. When in history have you changed someone's opinion by stating YOUR opinion? It doesn't work in politics, and it won't start working in relationships.
• Don't find a 'nice' way of telling them how to be better. Just don't. 

Do's with Sisters: 

• Notice! Honestly. This small nugget of gold will save many a hurt feelings. Notice her hair, especially when it's a new style! Notice how feminine she is and compliment. Nothing drives a girl to continue being feminine more than her brother(s) encouraging that. 
• Brag about her cooking. Or artwork, or business skills, or musical gifts. 
• Frequently hug your sister(s). We love it when our brothers stop a moment to be affectionate. Guys you are no less masculine when tender. Tenderness is a big deal to your sisters. 
• Let her know you are her protector. It warms our hearts to know our brother(s) will stand up for us in words or actions.
• Do a chore unexpectedly. Or shove her out of the kitchen during cleanup. The universal complaint against guys is that they don't notice housework that needs done. Surprise us. 
• Dig into our souls. Come sit on our bed and really learn about our day, opinions, feelings. You have strengths we don't. The beautiful part of relationships is to strengthen one another. 

"Do small things with great love." Anon

Don't's with Sisters:

• Complain about how few socks you have. Really, we do our best. But dad comes first in the sock department. Not happy with that? Grow up and find a wife. :)
• Don't start a sentence with "I wish you would"
• Don't always insist you are right. (This especially hurts if you are younger than us.) We want to know you value our opinions...always being right doesn't cut it. 
• Don't poke at our quirks...especially in front of us and your friends. 
• Don't go to bed angry at us with no resolve. It totally robs our beauty sleep. 

Through the tough journey of sibling relationships, remember to give yourself grace. And give the other person grace. It's OK to mess up. We aren't failures even if we've stunk at this for years. It is never too late, and nothing is ever impossible, with God's grace. 

"For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord bestows favor and honor; no good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless." Psalm 84:11

5 Tips for the Perfectionist to Vacation in Peace

In packing for a trip with my family this weekend, I was preaching these things to myself in order to not be Johnny rain cloud with my perfectionist habits on our vacation. Not sure if they apply to every perfectionist but they are biggies for me.

1. It's OK if everything doesn't have a place. Come on....it's the one place where you shouldn't have a place for everything. Take a break!

2. Stop cleaning! Just stop it. I drive my family nuts when it's 8:00pm and they're kicking back and I'm a busy bee picking up shoes and toys and making sure everything looks nice. Messes are necessary sometimes.   

3. Be OK with kids/siblings watching movies and doing absolutely nothing. Remember, this is suppose to be a break from regular routine. 

4. Be OK with not getting dressed before ten. And stop telling others to get dressed. Cause I have a secret, the world will be OK if you have a pajama morning! 

5. Relax. Only take fiction books and your Bible. Leave studying behind. Soak up God's goodness in giving you a break from schedules. 

The 20's Challenge: Finding Purpose in Every Moment

Although humorous, this is sadly a depiction of how both young men and women can view their state of singleness.  

In your 20's, you might be getting a bit anxious to run your own home/lead your own family. Because it's difficult as a single adult, finding your place in the family and in life where you are.

Your parents are now more your friends and advisers than what they used to be. You're done with routine school, but still have opportunities to learn. You feel a bit more independent, desiring to provide a small income to meet basic needs that previously parents have met. Perhaps you have some opportunities to travel or help other families, but you still feel the urge to "do something big."

We get stuck in the mundane moments, never stopping to drink in blessings and express gratitude. We are at fault for not putting at the forefront of our minds that we serve a Creator of purpose. We can also fall into looking too far in longing for the future. 

I had a self pity moment about wanting to "do something big" not long ago. Mom gently admonished me using a common parable, but one I often forget.

Every moment, we plant seeds. We are in the gardener's position now. And like a garden, seeds don't come to fruition for some time. But our humanness wants immediate gratification. We love to pat ourselves on the back after a 'big' accomplishment. We are impatient, seeking self glory constantly.

"Many are the plans in the mind of a man,

    but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand." Proverbs 19:21

Mother also pointed to Jeremiah 29:11. People use that verse constantly. For graduation, taking a big step, encouraging others to move forward because that verse promises something big in the future. But I think we've taken this verse out of context. The title of the chapter is called "A Letter to the Exiles." 

"This is what the Lord says: “When seventy years are completed for Babylon, I will come to you and fulfill my good promise to bring you back to this place. 

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.   

Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.  You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.  I will be found by you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back from captivity. 

 I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile.” Jeremiah 29:10-14

The promise God was giving to his people would not be fulfilled for 70 years. Doesn't sound so promising does it? 

But it's a glorious example of how God can work long term. The beauty of this story and what it gives to my heart, is that you or I cannot foresee the future.  We can't know what God is doing in every moment of our lives, and we can trust in His promises, even if there are trials in the present.

So even if you feel you are doing the same thing every day with your siblings, or cleaning the house, or just doing hard work over and over, it counts. It matters. You can unknowingly impact people in the simplest ways. You can plant seeds. You can sing hymns while washing dishes, signifying to your siblings that you're working "as to the Lord." Small things can take root and grow and it could change their motives in everything. 

Our God has a plan. Never forget that. Wherever you are, whatever your tasks may be, God is there, and He is using every small act for His purpose. Take heart dear souls, and press on!

"Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts." Winston Churchill

"What is man's chief end?- To glorify God and enjoy him forever." (Larger catechism)

Tune My Heart: Looking at the Influence of Music: Part 2

So, if it is our goal as Christians to bring about cultural change and re-establish godly morals, how does it do any good for us to flirt with the world's offspring? I'm not just thinking about music.  Movies, dress, speech, books, how you spend your time; it all goes.  

I've observed that what seems to drive us to listen to inappropriate messages in music is peer pressure. 

"Because music comes from a fallen race, it can convey fallen feelings and concepts, and sin." Jeff Pollard

Yeah it's hard being a Christian. It's easy to let ourselves think that small compromises aren't harmful. That we can listen to songs about immoral living without becoming part of it. Because we are good kids who were raised the right way. 

But familiarity desensitizes. 

"Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect." Romans 12:2

 Think of what entertainment in general does to you. It's a distraction. You momentarily forget about everything. What if our love for worldly music is Satan's way of diverting our gaze from the mission in front of us? Do you think Satan exploits our love of music and entertainment? I certainly do.

                               "Friendship with the world is enmity with God." James 4:4

Do you think our entertainment-crazed world can be capable of distracting us from the dominion mandate? Distraction is, perhaps, more deadly to our pursuit of holiness than anything. It pulls us away from a fervent seeking after God, but not enough that we feel we're in danger. Distraction breeds mediocrity--the worst brand of Christianity.

"Music does not control us. Or make us do things against our will. The emotion of music can stir us to heights, or to filthy passions. Music is not an evil force, it is your heart that is evil." Jeff Pollard

The ultimate question we should be asking is "What kind of musical experience should I be having while considering God's precepts?" Jeff Pollard

Tune My Heart: Looking at the Influence of Music: Part 1

How should Christians handle the subject of music? As a young adult, I've been challenged to think about how music affects us, and by what standard we should measure our choices.

 "What is our authority regarding music? Is it our preference, or God's word? Music must reflect His beauty and not our lower passions." Jeff Pollard

It's long been understood, by extensive research, that music has profound influences on the brain and emotions. Also, music perpetuates a worldview. With that understanding, I think it's critical that we be wary of the influences we allow over us. 

"Hold fast the form of sound words, which thou hast heard of me, in faith and love which is in Christ Jesus." 2 Timothy 1:13

Think of your favorite song. You've listened to it over and over, memorized each note. It's stuck there forever. So too are lyrics, and its message, whether it be good or bad. 

Do we really ponder the meaning behind lyrics? Looking them up and studying them? 


"But why should I?" Somehow seeing the words makes their meaning hit home more, forcing you to confront the message more literally.

A snippet from the pop song 'Call Me Maybe:

Your stare was holdin',
Ripped jeans, skin was showin'
Hot night, wind was blowin'
Where you think you're going, baby?


The gist of the song is a girl looking for love and a kiss in all the wrong places. Yet another cliched example of "love at first sight." 

Another popular song:

One Direction 'Live While we're young:

Let's go crazy, crazy, crazy till we see the sun
I know we only met but let's pretend it's love
And never, never, never stop for anyone
Tonight let's get some
And live while we're young

One Direction: Kiss me: 
Tou-ch
You get this kinda, ru-u-ush
Baby say yeah, yeah, yeah, 
If you don't wanna, take it slow
And you just wanna, take me home
Baby say yeah, And let me kiss you

Oh baby, baby don't you know you got what I need
Looking so good from your head to your feet
Come a come over here

These three songs promote immoral intimacy. These guys aren't interested in love, just satisfying their hormones.

Do we ever stop to consider what it is we love so much about these people and what they sing? 

"For though we walk in the flesh, we are not waging war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds. We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ, being ready to punish every disobedience, when your obedience is complete." 2 Corinthians 10:3-6

 I believe that allowing ourselves to be a part of the world's music is a direct way for us to inwardly live in the world, we're just not outwardly acknowledging it. 

*Disclaimer* I am not meaning to condemn all music nor judging anyone. We will look at discernment in part 2.

I'm Headed to Peru!

 I have the opportunity this May, with our church, to assist Peru Missions in building a church. 

I'm excited, nervous and grateful all at once since this is my first mission trip and I will be going without my family. I'm excited to be a part of building a new church and to see what the Lord has in store for us as we seek to serve there. I would greatly appreciate your prayers.

If you are interested in investing in this work, I would greatly appreciate your donation. I must raise $2,000 for the trip before May. There are a number of ways I plan to earn and save, but giving others the chance to "love in word and deed" is one of them.

Thank you for your prayers and for your willingness to consider financially assisting this mission project. I am fully confident that God will provide.

I'm happy to say that my Spanish lessons are going quite well, as I've mastered Feliz Navidad as well as a love song in the language. I'm eager to see how these will serve me on the mission field. ;-)

A Letter to My Generation: Please Grow Up

We are what our parents call "the future." We are young, vibrant, strong, courageous and full of hope. We have been raised with the vision of building the Kingdom, challenging the culture, and standing on the shoulders of our parents--a new generation poised to engulf the pagan culture.

That is, if we would grow up.

There is a trend among us right now of sitting on the fence.

We want to be adults, but we like being teenagers, too. We want adult privileges, but without adult responsibilities.

Choosing to Walk with the Wise 
There is a particular group of young men I have witnessed multiple times do something that's very interesting and encouraging to me. Instead of sitting with their peers at social events, they gather around their elders and listen intently, even sometimes asking questions. My respect for these young men has increased because of their wise character in choosing wisdom. 

This is the sort of character we should be striving for! Sitting at the feet of those who have walked before us in everything.

"We need to change our idea of the “teen years.” We are raising children into adults. Those in between years are the most potent for developing skills, learning, training, preparing and practicing for adult life. These are not years to be frittered away. These are the years where we challenge them and they rise to the challenge of womanhood and manhood, the years of their best strength and courage, where vision is best cast. Youth is where character is grown and practiced,  responsibility takes root, and self-control must reign." 'Why We Should Encourage our Kids to Marry Younger

That's not to say hanging out with peers is wrong, because it's not necessarily wrong! But we can easily slip into foolishness if we don't receive and heed wise counsel -because we are all foolish in our youth. Proverbs repeatedly reminds us of this.

 "He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm." Proverbs 13:20

Do Hard Things
You've heard it before: "Life's tough; get a helmet!" We weren't called to a life of luxury. We don't have to have giant houses, name-brand clothes, every gadget available, constant parties, etc. This is what the culture defines as a successful life-but God calls us all to a season of life, and uses us in each of them. If Paul could rejoice in a rotting prison cell amid beatings and still be assured God was using him, by golly we can find contentment in doing the hard things in life! We have no idea what "hard" truly is.

 God gives us many joys (feasting,  marriage, and fellowship, to name a few.) We were created to do hard things. We have a duty to our Creator. It involves glorifying Him, and enjoying Him forever. How are we to glorify him? Read God's letter to us each day, and He will show you.

"And aspire to live quietly, and to mind your own affairs, and to work with your hands..." 1 Thessalonians 4:11

"And now, O Israel, what does the Lord your God ask of you but to fear the Lord, to walk in all his ways, to love him, to serve the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul." Deuteronomy 10:12

The Battle of the Mind

"Guard your heart with all diligence....for out of it spring the issues of life." Proverbs 4:23

Our mind is possibly one of the most supernatural and phenomenal things God has created. To this day, we still can't comprehend our own minds. God is that incredible. But because we are not always aware of how powerful our minds are, we are also not aware of the damage we can unconsciously do to ourselves.

"Likewise, urge the younger men to be self-controlled. Show yourself in all respects to be a model of good works, and in your teaching show integrity, dignity, and sound speech that cannot be condemned, so that an opponent may be put to shame, having nothing evil to say about us." Titus 2:6-8

The biggest mind battle we face as young adults, is that of resisting the pull of the 'average' teen life. Culture encourages us to stay young as long as possible, God's Word directs us to grow in maturity and wisdom (Proverbs 2:6). Culture says we should 'do something big' with our lives; Scripture says we are not live for our own glory (1 Cor. 15:58).

"For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people, training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age..."Titus 2 :11-12

Amid my doubts and fickle emotions, the constant temptations I face, and the downs my family and I have gone through, I have witnessed one thing to be true...God's kingdom is worth fighting for. And when I give up everything to God, even if I'm not sure what the future holds, if I admit that my heart cannot decide for itself what God's plans are, then He is faithful to lead and to give me peace.

"Therefore gird up the loins of your mind, be sober, and rest your hope fully upon the grace that is to be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ; as obedient children not conforming yourselves to the former lusts, as in your ignorance; but as He who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct, because it is written, "Be holy, for I am holy." 1 Peter 1:13-16

By faith...we shall soon see the hand of God in the culture.