5 Tips for the Perfectionist to Vacation in Peace

In packing for a trip with my family this weekend, I was preaching these things to myself in order to not be Johnny rain cloud with my perfectionist habits on our vacation. Not sure if they apply to every perfectionist but they are biggies for me.

1. It's OK if everything doesn't have a place. Come on....it's the one place where you shouldn't have a place for everything. Take a break!

2. Stop cleaning! Just stop it. I drive my family nuts when it's 8:00pm and they're kicking back and I'm a busy bee picking up shoes and toys and making sure everything looks nice. Messes are necessary sometimes.   

3. Be OK with kids/siblings watching movies and doing absolutely nothing. Remember, this is suppose to be a break from regular routine. 

4. Be OK with not getting dressed before ten. And stop telling others to get dressed. Cause I have a secret, the world will be OK if you have a pajama morning! 

5. Relax. Only take fiction books and your Bible. Leave studying behind. Soak up God's goodness in giving you a break from schedules. 

Tune My Heart: Looking at the Influence of Music: Part 2

So, if it is our goal as Christians to bring about cultural change and re-establish godly morals, how does it do any good for us to flirt with the world's offspring? I'm not just thinking about music.  Movies, dress, speech, books, how you spend your time; it all goes.  

I've observed that what seems to drive us to listen to inappropriate messages in music is peer pressure. 

"Because music comes from a fallen race, it can convey fallen feelings and concepts, and sin." Jeff Pollard

Yeah it's hard being a Christian. It's easy to let ourselves think that small compromises aren't harmful. That we can listen to songs about immoral living without becoming part of it. Because we are good kids who were raised the right way. 

But familiarity desensitizes. 

"Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect." Romans 12:2

 Think of what entertainment in general does to you. It's a distraction. You momentarily forget about everything. What if our love for worldly music is Satan's way of diverting our gaze from the mission in front of us? Do you think Satan exploits our love of music and entertainment? I certainly do.

                               "Friendship with the world is enmity with God." James 4:4

Do you think our entertainment-crazed world can be capable of distracting us from the dominion mandate? Distraction is, perhaps, more deadly to our pursuit of holiness than anything. It pulls us away from a fervent seeking after God, but not enough that we feel we're in danger. Distraction breeds mediocrity--the worst brand of Christianity.

"Music does not control us. Or make us do things against our will. The emotion of music can stir us to heights, or to filthy passions. Music is not an evil force, it is your heart that is evil." Jeff Pollard

The ultimate question we should be asking is "What kind of musical experience should I be having while considering God's precepts?" Jeff Pollard

Tune My Heart: Looking at the Influence of Music: Part 1

How should Christians handle the subject of music? As a young adult, I've been challenged to think about how music affects us, and by what standard we should measure our choices.

 "What is our authority regarding music? Is it our preference, or God's word? Music must reflect His beauty and not our lower passions." Jeff Pollard

It's long been understood, by extensive research, that music has profound influences on the brain and emotions. Also, music perpetuates a worldview. With that understanding, I think it's critical that we be wary of the influences we allow over us. 

"Hold fast the form of sound words, which thou hast heard of me, in faith and love which is in Christ Jesus." 2 Timothy 1:13

Think of your favorite song. You've listened to it over and over, memorized each note. It's stuck there forever. So too are lyrics, and its message, whether it be good or bad. 

Do we really ponder the meaning behind lyrics? Looking them up and studying them? 


"But why should I?" Somehow seeing the words makes their meaning hit home more, forcing you to confront the message more literally.

A snippet from the pop song 'Call Me Maybe:

Your stare was holdin',
Ripped jeans, skin was showin'
Hot night, wind was blowin'
Where you think you're going, baby?


The gist of the song is a girl looking for love and a kiss in all the wrong places. Yet another cliched example of "love at first sight." 

Another popular song:

One Direction 'Live While we're young:

Let's go crazy, crazy, crazy till we see the sun
I know we only met but let's pretend it's love
And never, never, never stop for anyone
Tonight let's get some
And live while we're young

One Direction: Kiss me: 
Tou-ch
You get this kinda, ru-u-ush
Baby say yeah, yeah, yeah, 
If you don't wanna, take it slow
And you just wanna, take me home
Baby say yeah, And let me kiss you

Oh baby, baby don't you know you got what I need
Looking so good from your head to your feet
Come a come over here

These three songs promote immoral intimacy. These guys aren't interested in love, just satisfying their hormones.

Do we ever stop to consider what it is we love so much about these people and what they sing? 

"For though we walk in the flesh, we are not waging war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds. We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ, being ready to punish every disobedience, when your obedience is complete." 2 Corinthians 10:3-6

 I believe that allowing ourselves to be a part of the world's music is a direct way for us to inwardly live in the world, we're just not outwardly acknowledging it. 

*Disclaimer* I am not meaning to condemn all music nor judging anyone. We will look at discernment in part 2.

Controlling a Perfectionist Nature and Being a Good Leader

Raise your hand if you're the oldest of your siblings.

See if you can relate to this:

You are the sibling who loves chore lists, weekly planners, everyone doing something at the same time (i.e. schooling, reading), everyone completing their chore list at precisely the same time because of course we can't get off our schedule! You can mentally fill the rest in.

It is a natural born tendency for the oldest child to be control freaks.  We were taught from a young age to obey rules, and we feel we have to be the boss, be a good Javert and live by the law and teach others to or die trying.

Being the oldest automatically makes us perfectionists. Don't ask why. If I knew, I'd tell.  And if you haven't learned by now, take it from me, this nature is virtually impossible to allow to prosper in your family. Because living in a family is messy. Life is messy. Kids are messy. There is nothing about living with any other human being that is perfect. And there never will be.

So we are in the 'in charge' spot by birth order, and can't help it. BUT! We can help how we use/abuse that prestigious placing. It is an honor, and great responsibility.

In this new year, I've resolved that I will become that fun loving, relaxed sister who cuts out the extreme obsession/domineering over movie worldviews, song selections, and practice this amazing new concept...letting the parents be the boss! It's not my job to determine what is best for them, it's my job to love them and inspire them through my example and speech. And ultimately, to help build them in their love for Christ and to share this love.

"And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds." Hebrews 10:24

With my parents wise counsel and encouragement, these are some things I've been praying about and trying to implement in this new year with my siblings. 

• Letting them be kids...they shouldn't hear "clean up" their whole lives
• Letting them make messes, and sometimes being the mess instigator yourself, if it means they have fun. Putting 'the joy in their hearts' first. 
• Yes we are concerned with music/movies/literature they take in, but it's not our job. Bite your tongue over that song, because it's one less wedge that comes between you and that sibling. 
• Do sporadic, fun things. Pile them up in the car for a surprise...even if it's just to Jack's for ice cream. It makes a difference
• Instead of hoarding your hours of silence/reading time at night in bed, invite the older kids under you in for a game of cards on the bed. 
• With little ones...get down on their level. You aren't above that! Have tea and imagine wild and silly things. Get in the mud with the little boys...even if you have to put gloves on. :) Little minds thrive on imagination and creativity.

"Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity." Colossians 3:12-14

Quirks of the Fairer Sex Which Ought Not be So

My Dear Sisters,

My friend, Bria, has very kindly given me the opportunity to write several things to my sisters in Christ. I'm going to take this opportunity to affirm some things she's written, as well as submit several more points for your consideration.

It is my prayer that you will hear me speak as a brother, who cares about your well-being in Christ, not as some guy who wants to prove that he's right and you're wrong.

1. Bria quotes the Botkin sisters:

"Young men have told us time and time again: Girls really are the ones who set the tone for the interaction. Young men tend to unconsciously defer to what the young lady seems comfortable with".

This is very, very true. I have experienced it time and again: whether it ought to be this way or not, you young ladies "will" have a great impact on the level of our communication. If you are foolish and silly, we will be that way as well when around you. If you are mature and responsible with your speech, we'll mirror that. As I said, this isn't how it ought to be: we should all be proper and mature men and women, regardless of the behavior of the other person we're speaking with. But as a man, I can attest that what the Botkins wrote is true. Don't underestimate the power of your verbal attitude and communication.


2. Sisters, sarcasm is not attractive. It isn't endearing, it isn't alluring, it isn't cute. It's ugly. In this category, I include foolish jesting. Gals, let me be frank: it's just really hard for us guys to communicate with you when you're constantly "just joking," or "just kidding."

I personally am not really a sarcastic person, and even less of a "just-joking" person. Therefore, it's always a challenge when I am conversing with someone who is constantly joking and making jocular comments. It's tiring, because it feels like conversational whiplash.

The Bible gives us instruction all throughout Proverbs on the importance of handling our tongues wisely. Sarcasm is inherently negative and does not reflect godliness in the tongue. We all are to be gracious with our speech, and this forbids destructive sarcasm, as well as foolish jesting (Ephesians 5:4).

Sarcasm isn't gracious, isn't edifying, isn't glorifying to the Lord. It doesn't build anyone up. Let us "all" instead prayerfully work to apply Proverbs 31:26: "She opens her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness."


3. I could be wrong, but I think an idea prevalent among young ladies is: guys don't notice you all, so you have to look "cute" or act a certain way to get attention. Maybe you'll be at church, or perhaps a conference, but you'll stand there and observe (out of the corner of your eye, of course) all us guys bumble around like blind fellows, consumed with our football or movies, never noticing you in all your reformed, youthful splendor.

First, you're thinking the wrong way. In the first place, you shouldn't be worrying about whether or not we notice you; because if you are, you have the wrong priorities and focus (Matthew 6:33).

Second, it's not true that we don't notice you. We do. Trust me, I'm a guy. I would know. We definitely aren't blind. That said, I'll let you in on a little secret. You don't have to wear cute clothes. You don't have to have sassy glasses. You don't have to act flirty. You don't have to have a camera or a violin. And you "don't" have to have an hourglass figure.

(That said, this does "not" mean you can't dress fashionably. Please don't swing to an extreme and think I'm exhorting you to dress in sackcloth or be "frumpy"—that's "not" what I'm trying to convey. "Do" dress with excellence, as unto the Lord. We do love beauty and femininity.)

You know how to really be attractive? Be a godly woman. Take Proverbs 31 to heart. Take Titus 2 to heart:

"But speak thou the things which become sound doctrine…The aged women likewise, that they be in behavior as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; that they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed."

Have a gravity and sobriety to your demeanor that marks a mature woman and brings glory to your Heavenly Father and your earthly parents. Be sober. Be joyful, but not foolish. Be level-headed. Be chaste in dress and attitude. Be friendly. Have a handle on your tongue. (See points #1, #2, and #4.) Be a student of the Word. Love God. Love your father. Love your mother. Love your siblings—both biological *and* spiritual. Be humble. Be a hard worker, a servant. Love children. Be the one who's willing to go unnoticed to do a job nobody else wants to do.

"But let it [a woman's true beauty] be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price." — 1 Peter 3:4

This is truly beautiful. Forget the sassy glasses, forget the giggling over jokes. Forget looking "cute." Forget "Do they notice me, being all cute?"

Be a godly woman. It shines far greater than being a cute girl does.

4. I once had a friend, a brilliant young lady who studied theology and orthopraxy and theonomopraxy and fat books and great thinkers and everything that comes with it. She had her positions on things, and was unafraid to stand her ground very firmly on her convictions. But one of the greatest things about her is something I think we could use a great deal more of in the church today: humility.

Be willing to be wrong, sisters. (Hear me out.) Just because you think all we know about is shallow stuff (which isn't true—you really should come on over and join our conversations about politics and housekeeping!) it doesn't mean that it's true.

One of the greatest blessings to us young men is to have the other party (regardless of gender) open to other positions. Now, granted, we have to have that spirit as well, but it's happened to me before: I try to strike up a civil discussion about a this topic or that one, but am met with either opposition or dismissal.

It's really discouraging.

There are a few words that can change the situation quite dramatically: "I could be wrong." Or, "I'm still studying." Or, "What do you think?"

"I believe postmillennialism is biblical, but I could be wrong."

"I believe paedocommunion is more biblical than credocommunion, but I'm still studying."

"I think 'The Lord of the Rings' is one of the greatest works of fiction written yet. What do you think?"

This opens the drapes of the conversation, if you will, and lets in the possibility that there might be another valid position out there, as well as acknowledging that you haven't got it all figured out. (Here's a little secret: none of us have.) Subtle, but it goes a long way toward fostering unity.

Be willing to be wrong, and be willing to be corrected by your brothers in Christ.

(And likewise, we need to be willing to be corrected by you! Let's all be humble.)


There, dear sisters. I hope this post has been truly edifying to you, and that you'll prayerfully take my words to heart. Don't simply take them on their own merit, but test them against Scripture.

In Christ,
The Author


— The Author is an eldest child. He lives in a house in the contiguous forty-eight states, has eyes, and wears shoes when he goes abroad. He is, at the time of this writing, a Reforming Presbyterian (but still studying), drinks his coffee black, is extremely fed up with the lack of humility in "reformed" circles today, and thinks everyone should take copious notes in their bookses, yessss, precious.

The Awkward Conversation (The Three Fine Lines) part 2

Now that we have a new awareness of the awkwardness in guy/girl relationships, I think there are three fine lines we must draw:

The Conversation Line: Conversation sets the tone for the whole relationship. I've heard complaints from both sides: "But guys are just so shallow! All they talk about is football, guns, movies, and music." Well what do you talk about, girls? If all you talk about is the latest fashion, hair dos, dress design, and Jane Austen, guys might be thinking the same thing. We are intelligent beings, created in God's image, and a friend's intellect might just surprise you if you take the time to unlock his thoughts.

There are so many ways for us to sharpen one another through conversation. And there is a neutral  and comfortable ground besides movies.  How about politics? Now you may be like me and have a love for learning about politics, but just feel that it is too above you to voice opinions on.

An author I highly esteem taught me that even if you aren't well versed in a subject, all you need is to know how to ask good questions. Theology, war, history, geography, books. Ask questions! It shows you care about the other's opinions. Read up on current events. Read in-depths books and bring up interesting points.

One thing that really helps set the tone is to avoid negative discussions about personal stuff. Complaining about family members, unburdening on your 'sweet, attentive brothers'. It really helps to avoid emotional ickyness that can lead downhill quickly.

Things like "how's your week been?" Or "how's college/work?" etc, is a good conversation starter and can lead to interesting topics. I think it's acceptable to share struggles related to your spitirual walk. That is another area we can sharpen and pray for one another. Being involved in other's Christian life is where the relationship is greatly strengthened yet remains honorable.

And isn't this bit interesting:

"These sorts of situations can be uncomfortable to deal with, but they don’t have to get truly sticky unless we let them. We often have more power to direct this sort of situation than we realize. Young men have told us time and time again: Girls really are the ones who set the tone for the interaction. Young men tend to unconsciously defer to what the young lady seems comfortable with (e.g. if she seems to be enjoying his attentions, he’ll ramp it up; if she thought his coarse joke was funny, well, he’s got more where that came from…). Most often, they let us set the terms; they let us establish the boundaries." Visionary Daughters

"Finally, all of you should be of one mind. Sympathize with each other. Love each other as brothers and sisters. Be tenderhearted, and keep a humble attitude." 1 Peter 3:8

"Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give  grace to those who hear." Ephesians 4:29

There should be more formality than familiarity in these relationships to remind one another that we are not chums to go through life just having fun with. We are fellow soldiers fighting for a greater kingdom and we don't have time for empty talk and foolish behavior.

Scriptures warn against being a companion of fools. The teen culture is rife with folly and so we must constantly keep ourselves in check and weigh our attitudes. Are they full of folly or wisdom? 

"A prudent man conceals knowledge: but the heart of fools proclaim foolishness." Proverbs 12:23

"He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm." Proverbs 13:20

The Physical Line: (1 Thessalonians 4:1-11) In light of treating one another as brothers and sisters, we should also bear respect in the physical boundary because you must remember something. That guy or girl you are talking to is someone's spouse. As are you. Would you like your future spouse to be really touchy with another person? No, because that is one of the special aspects of entering into marriage.

Physical boundaries are something you must create based on your conviction through Scripture.

I used to be the girl who stood three feet or more from a guy while talking. That was my "purity bubble." I was so stuck in the "guard your heart movement", I was afraid of doing my husband evil just by standing near a guy. But I think this shows a distrust in the other person as well as yourself, and that maybe we can be so self-conscious of talking to the opposite sex, we capitalize on the awkwardness.

I offer my hand when being introduced to a young man because I believe it shows that I respect him as a brother instead of thinking, "oh-my-gosh-an-eligible-guy-is-talking-to-me."

Are hugs acceptable? That depends on your comfort zone. I think it would be very respectful to ask if you can have a hug first.  If the person looks like you just asked if you could shoot them, hugging is probably not a good idea.

The Emotional Line: This is a biggie. This is where misconceptions breed prolifically. But I have found that the above two lines are drawn this one will fall more naturally.

This is where we can be so overly possessed with compromising purity we become awkward.

Here's a truth both parties should be aware of: girls over-think everything. Or have a highly active imagination, whatever you want to call it. I'm just saying while our brains can be going 90 to nothing and weighing every possibility of what that comment meant that Bob gave you, the guys simply mean what they say or do. It's not a game of guess-what-they-meant; there is no underlying meaning,  just plain old what they meant.

And girls wonder why the guys don't want to talk. It's their way of protecting you ladies! If you read into things, they want to stay away because that is not what they are trying to convey. Girls, we have to stop it!

"I've spent so much time thinking about all the answers to the problem, that I forget what the problem *actually* was." Claire Colburn

 Here, I'll help you understand the STOP IT concept.

I think if conversation is comfortable and honorable, we don't have to worry half as much about compromised emotions . 

As I've stepped out of my awkward shell, it's been amazing forming relationships with young men and realizing I have brothers behind me, ready to help and protect me. And if we allow God to lead us, we can benefit from what our brothers and sisters views of life are, help grow one another and ultimately build up the kingdom of Christ.

Between counsel from our parents, elders, and scripture, it is within our grasp to build comfortable relationships with brothers and sisters in Christ. It just takes prayer, intention, and a genuine love in Christ for one another. Saying it is easier than doing it. It's not easy, this I have found out. But I can assure you, it is possible.

Related articles:
Be Not Conformed
Virtual Flirtship

Other great sources:
It's Not that Complicated
What Our Father taught us about Boys
What Our Father taught us about Girls

5 Reasons to Keep a Journal

I didn't always delight in writing as I do now. In fact, I couldn't stand it. In school it was that 'have to' assignment. But my mother didn't give up. She bought me a beautiful journal, and told me to just fill it with anything, even if it was an outline of my day. At first, that is all it was. Just things like "I went to the park today, it was sunny." But as I got older, and kept on writing, new things started appearing on the page. Deeper things, and I realized that as I wrote, my writing found a different part of me. When I wrote, I was revealing the truest part of myself. Where without the scrutiny of others, I worried about nothing. I poured out my soul and dreams. And found so much satisfaction.  I believe you would discover this too, if you gave it a chance.

1. Able to be sincere: In the digital world we are now a part of, it's easy for anyone to shoot you an email or message, but somehow it's not as meaningful as getting a letter in the mail. Just to know someone took the time to find beautiful stationary and sincerely write to you. I think that is one thing I don't like about instant messaging and texting. Nothing feels genuinely sincere. But when you see written words, they have a deeper meaning. In your own journal, you have the ability to be that sincere person, to yourself and to God.

2. Leave your legacy: Have you ever found a grandparent's journal? Flipping through the aged pages you discover snippets of their life they never told you. And just like no fingerprint is the same, so too is no one's vantage point of life the same. Your journal is your fingerprint.

3. Your lifelong companion:You know Indiana Jones and his famous fedora? That hat went everywhere with him. And made it, banged up, through some rough times. That is how I view my journal. To go everywhere, and see everything, get nicked and wrinkled, hear of all my tales, my ups and downs. So chose your companion well. Make sure it is made of tough stuff.

4. Immortalize your thoughts: People say it's the small moments that make life wonderful. And it's true. Yet those small, happy moments are easy to forget. But they will never be forgotten once immortalized in the fibers of your companion's white pages.  How wonderful to have a journal (or perhaps several) of your early life, to flip back and read of how you grew and what you thought as life was taking you down different roads.

5. Forever part of your life: You can always grow to love something good. Think of good habits. You weren't born with them. You cultivated them, and therefore, they became part of your everyday life. The same is with writing, or anything else that you wish to do, but don't normally do. If you truly desire something good, make it a part of everyday life. And soon it will without you trying, stay for a lifetime.

"Keep all special thoughts and memories for lifetimes to come. Share these keepsakes with others to inspire hope and build from the past, which can bridge to the future." Mattie Stepanek

"Let us make a special effort to stop communicating with each other, so we can have some conversation." Mark Twain

"No matter what age you are, or what your circumstances might be, you are special, and you still have something unique to offer." Barbara De Angelis

Guest Post: Does it Really Matter What Music We Listen to?

 "Does it really matter what music we listen to?"

"It seems that some young people are convinced today that positively nothing in the universe matters, except, of course, that they get to enjoy their favorite entertainment. This is a very absurd and yet all-too-common case of self-centered spiritual priorities. It is for this reason that when one attempts to discuss any subject regarding biblical value judgments with many young people today, he is met with seemingly indomitable apathy.

But let not the reader think I intend to assert that entertainment is necessarily evil. In fact, far from it. Webster's 1828 Dictionary defines entertainment as "the pleasure which the mind receives from any thing interesting, and which holds or arrests the attention." Entertainment is what happens when we yield the attention of our minds to something and find pleasure in doing so. There's nothing wrong with devoting our minds to something and finding pleasure in it; the moral question is, quite simply, in what should we find pleasure? In what should we delight? To what should we give the attention of our minds for the sake of finding pleasure? What is supposed to be enjoyable to us?"
Read more at Cross & Resurrection Music

Virtual Flirtship

"Let no one look down on your youthfulness, but rather in speech, conduct, love, faith and purity, show yourself an example of those who believe." 1 Timothy 4:12

"There are plenty of people who have technically kissed recreational dating goodbye, but are still looking for romantic flings outside of marriage. They want the fun of being in boyfriend-girlfriend relationships without purpose or commitment. Enter flirtship, the popular new alternative to dating and courtship. It’s like dating, only you don’t go out – you use email, chat, or phone, or just pair off whenever you’re in the same vicinity. Either way, you’re definitely – though not officially – well, apparently, anyway – boyfriend and girlfriend." Excerpt from It's Not that Complicated by Anna & Elizabeth Botkin

A young woman once said to me : "I am convinced it's really good if girls be discreet in the way they talk to guys and how often they talk. I mean, it can send a guy the wrong message if you are just constantly talking to just him in a crowd and it may be stirring feelings in him that you had no intention of stirring when you are just trying to be a friendly sister in Christ."

Then she proceeded to talk about a guy she had been emailing for several weeks, two or three times a day. When asked why she thought this was appropriate, but the scenario she described wasn't, she replied "Oh it's not the same online!"

Are we not all guilty of this mentality?

Facebook: From hearing from and witnessing friends, I believe this one of the biggest ways for guys and girls to cultivate 'unintended' relationships. It's just too easy once you're friends to resist posting comments on their walls, sending a message a day. Pretty soon, both are confused about the other's actions and are trying to interpret them. In very extreme cases, Facebook relationships can lead to running away from home to be with your 'special, new found friend.' You may think this sounds a bit drastic, but I personally know of two cases where this has happened.

It's also a way for young people to communicate without their parents necessarily knowing everything they're saying. As with everything else, something that may start harmless has the potential to become dangerous if extreme caution is not exercised.

"A man's harvest in life will depend entirely on what he sows. If he sows for his own lower nature his harvest will be the decay and death of his own nature. But if he sows for the Spirit he will reap the harvest of everlasting life by the Spirit." Galatians 6:7-8

Email: Because emailing doesn't allow for accountability in conversation, caution should be exercised here as well. A wonderful practice to get into is sending an email (with the opposite gender) to your parent's inbox as well, and letting him/her know you are doing so. This lets the parents and the person know that you wish to respect them and keep yourselves accountable so that conversation doesn't become unhealthy.

Blogging: Even in the blog world we must be careful and limit comments on each other's blogs. If you're leaving comments on every post and lengthy or gushy conversations take place, it can be very misleading. However, I see nothing wrong with reading the opposite's posts, for it is good to get perspectives from the opposite gender.

"But what if the guy/girl is the one being bold in their attempts to talk with/be around me?"

Well, you can either get graciously bold back, or involve your father in it. That is one of the many blessing of having fathers; once you involve them in struggles they can step in and intervene when we don't want to appear rude and burst the person's bubble so to speak.

"If Romeo seems smitten with you and showers you with attention and compliments (and is exactly the sort of Montague your parents do not approve of), you can make it very clear in your cool but respectful manner that you are not interested in sharing a balcony scene with him." Excerpt from It's (not) that Complicated

"Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life." Proverbs 4:23

Are we conscious enough of our actions through our fingertips?

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things." Philippians 4:8

(Guys, just because I wrote about blog commenting doesn't mean I wouldn't like to hear your perspective of this subject:)

The Curious Child

They went down to 'the beach' (what my siblings call the river bed, half dried), and waded knee- deep, anxiously combing the murky depths for anything unique. They don't care that it's 40 degrees outside.

Their little muddy, bare feet tramped in, one after another. Each beautiful face beamed with pleasure as they proudly displayed their nature ' treasures'.

There is mud and grass everywhere, little fingers and toes soaked and cold to the bone but they are oblivious to that. They just want to know why the clam has so many rings in it. Or why the inside is so shiny and looks like a rainbow. Or if it's true that moss only grows on the north side of a tree. And what makes that plant a weed. Their little minds are always active. Always reaching out, yearning to find the answers to their endless questions. Because they know there is always an answer.

I love a child's mind. Innocent and oblivious to the cares of the world, only focused on what has caught their curiosity. You never know what questions they will ask. But you can always expect their inquiries to be incredibly funny, or surprisingly intelligent. They are smarter than we give them credit for. In many ways children are more sensible than their older influences. And we are responsible for shaping that curiosity in them. Do we look for opportunities to make the most of it?

Sometimes I might tire of the three year old's overwhelming curiosity while I try to go about the day. "What's that? Why you do that? Can I try?" God has created children with a built-in search for knowledge. When I stop and think about it, I remember what it was like to yearn for answers. Will we give them answers?

Imagination is Dwindling- Imagine That part 3

Television and the computer isn't the only thing that keeps us from wholesome literature and imagining for ourselves. We can apply ourselves to books galore, but are they the kind that actually cultivate knowledge? Are they wholesome and do they ooze quality and wisdom? Or do they simply entertain us and just add fluff and nonsense to our mind?

"A an excellent book has life; it releases something creative in the mind of the reader. The author has captured reality, the permanent stuff of life, and something enduring is planted in the heart."

Reading a book can be slightly compared to watching a movie. Does it just entertain us for a while? Or does it challenge our thinking? Does it make us ask questions? Does it widen our gaze of what the author is driving at?

"A good writer has something worth saying and says it in the best possible way and respects the reader's ability to understand. Language is used well. The word choices make us see feel, hear, taste, smell, decide. The action of the story and the descriptions have a crisp leanness because strong verbs and simple descriptions are used. The Bible is a model for this kind of writing."

" A wholesome and wonderful story has characters of depth, not superficial stereotypes; they inspire the inner life of the reader."

Some might argue though "Can I not read for fun ever?" I don't think it wrong to moderately incorporate some fiction. As long as it does not become the only standard for our reading habits. And as long as it is time worthy. I have made a habit of picking up what I dub as 'pleasure books' only at night after my full day of work and school and reading non pleasure/fulfilling books. I feel like I don't waste precious time in that way. And it's somewhat of a reward when you only get those books once in a while.

"Sometimes our standards are not high enough; we are content with books that don't say anything really important but seem safe...the best hope of promoting quality lies in the better education of the reader. When we give a child a taste for what is really good reading, I don't think that child will acquire an appetite for what is not."

I am grateful that my mother implemented this concept with all of us children. As a result I have enjoyed good literature from an early age.

"Good stories have an excellent spirit about them. They are an experience-imaginative, intellectual, social, spiritual- and a sense of permanent worth surrounds them. " Honey for a Teen's heart excerpts.

I have striven to make this my guideline for finding wholesome books. We should desire books of permanent worth. And above all, the ultimate guideline for all of life as well as literature:

"Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things." Philippians 4:8

You may go to my blog Open Book Reviews for many suggestions on books for school, family reading etc.

Imagination is Dwindling- Imagine That: Part 2

Another excellent example of a mother who prospered her children’s mind is Ben Carson’s mother Sonya Carson.

“Sonya had only had an education until third grade. After leaving her husband who was abusive, she was left with supporting her sons Ben and Curtis. Ben was eight and Curtis was 10 when Sonya was left to raise the children on her own.

The family was very poor, and to make ends meet Sonya sometimes took on two or three jobs at a time in order to provide for her boys. There were occasions when her boys wouldn’t see her for days at a time, because she would go to work at 5:00 AM and come home around 11:00 PM, going from one job to the next. She was frugal with the family’s finances, cleaning and patching clothes from the Goodwill in order to dress the boys. The family would also go to local farmers and offer to pick corn or other vegetables in exchange for a portion of the yield. She would then can the produce for the kids’ meals. Her actions, and the way she managed the family, proved to be a tremendous influence on Ben and Curtis. Sonya also taught her boys that anything was possible. By his recollection many years later, Ben Carson had thoughts of a career in medicine, though it was more of a fantasy many young children harbor as they grow up.

Because his family was on medical assistance, they would have to wait for hours to be seen by one of the interns at the hospital. Ben would listen to the pulse of the hospital as doctors and nurses went about their routines. Occasionally, there’d be an emergency and he could hear in people’s voices and in their quick movements the pace and emotions rise to meet the challenge. He’d hear the PA system call for a “Dr. Jones” and fantasized that one day they’d be calling for a “Dr. Carson.” Both Ben and his brother experienced difficulty in school.

Ben fell to the bottom of his class, and became the object of ridicule by his classmates. He developed a violent and uncontrollable temper, and was known to attack other children at the slightest provocation. The poverty he lived in and the difficult times he experienced in school seem to exacerbate the anger and rage. Determined to turn her sons around, Sonya limited their TV time to just a few select programs and refused to let them go outside to play until they’d finished their homework. She was criticized for this by her friends, who said her boys would grow up to hate her. But she was determined that her sons would have greater opportunities than she did.

She required them to read two library books a week and give her written reports, even though with her poor education she could barely read them. She would take the papers and review them, scanning over the words and turning pages. Then she would place a checkmark at the top of the page showing her approval. At first, Ben resented the strict regimen. While his friends were playing outside, he was stuck in the house, forced to read a book or do his homework. But after several weeks of his mother’s unrelenting position, he began to find enjoyment in reading.

Being poor, there wasn’t much opportunity to go anywhere. But between the covers of a book he could go anyplace, be anybody, and do anything. Ben began to learn how to use his imagination and found it more enjoyable than watching television. This attraction to reading soon led to a strong desire to learn more. Carson read books on all types of subjects and found connections between them. He saw himself as the central character of what he was reading, even if it was a technical book or an encyclopedia.

He read about people in laboratories, pouring chemicals into a beaker or flask, or discovering galaxies, or peering into a microscope. He began to see himself differently, different than the other kids in his neighborhood who only wanted to get out of school, get some nice clothes, and a nice car. He saw that he could become the scientist or physician he had dreamed about. Staying focused on this vision of his future helped him get through some of the more difficult times.Ben went on to Yale University where he got a degree in neurology.

From Biography.com. You may read the full story HERE.

Today, Ben Carson is a neurosurgeon and the director of Pediatric neurosurgery at Johns Hopkins Hospital. None of this might have been possible if Sonya Carson had not enforced and encouraged her son to open up his mind to the world of knowledge.

“If communal family life is important-if family members must feel some social responsibility to talk together as a family about life, ideas, and values-then we have to make a decision to have it happen. We can’t afford to let either the television or the computer run our lives. If we are dumbing-down our lives by not reading, we have some decision to make. Real life beckons us to reach for the highest.” Honey For a Teen’s Heart.

Warriors of Christ...With Grace-filled Tongues

Grace, patience, kindness, gentleness, self-control. Five out of the eight fruits of the spirit deal squarely with our behavior, speech and demeanor. In a culture where “bold and brazen” are encouraged, how can a woman cultivate a spirit of meekness becoming an ornament of grace?

So often, I do not choose grace. I do not speak with “the law of kindness on my tongue”. Yet, we are commanded by our Lord to edify others with our speech and so, by His grace, I’m on a mission to cultivate a “grace-filled tongue”.

“I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak, for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.” Matthew 12:36-37

A woman’s speech reflects her inmost heart. What do people see in me? Do they see a beautiful, feminine picture of grace and kindness? Or do they see a negative, hateful person who is ever critical of those around her? Do they see a woman who answers with wisdom, gentleness and self-control? Or one who bites back in anger and rashness?

Our speech also greatly impacts those around us. I know I’ve become aware of that through the things I say to my siblings. Whatever you say to a person, they eventually come to believe it. Is is good and praising, or negative and criticizing? Am I a “fountain of life” or do my words bring death?

“She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and on her tongue is the law of kindness.” Proverbs 31:26

“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” Ephesians 4:29

I believe I can be strong in my beliefs, conversations, thoughts, and still bring glory to Christ. In the battle we fight with the darkness, it is our STRONG faith in Christ, our firmness in our convictions that get us through the fiery trials. Satan tries to trip us up by our tongues because he knows “God hates a lying tongue.” Proverbs 6:17. It is victory to Satan when we can’t control our tongue and throw graceful speech out the window.

“He who loves purity of heart, and whose speech is gracious, will have the king as his friend.”
Proverbs 22:11

“Walk in wisdom toward them that are without, redeeming the time. Let your speech be always with grace, seasoned with salt, that ye may know how ye ought to answer every man.” Colossians 4:5-6

The Bible discusses the sins of the tongue and speaking with grace over thirty times! I think God is serious on this one. There are many forms of the ungracious tongue. The lying tongue (Prov.6:17, Revelation 21:8), the proud tongue (Psalm 12:3-4 ), the backbiting tongue (Prov.25:23, Romans 1:30), the swift tongue (Prov.18:13), and the piercing tongue (Proverbs 12:18, Titus 2:8).

I have found it is not impossible. Just when I think I can do no more, when I fail once again in bridling my tongue, God slowly answers my prayers. “Seek and ye shall find”, He says. “Ask and it shall be given”! He is sufficient to supply our weakness if we are deliberate in seeking His help.

Let us strive to wield the sword of truth, of feminine strength and of a grace-filled tongue, always resting in the promise that our prayers will be received and answered.